Advice to my Teenage Self.

I wouldn’t go as far as to call myself an adult, but I definitely know a lot more about life than I did when I was a teenager.  If time travel was a thing, and I had access to it, and it wasn’t dangerous, and going back in time didn’t mess up the future, I would have some solid advice to give my teenage self.

Molly – Stop being so mad at your parents.  You are their second child, their first daughter.  They have no idea what they’re doing.  They might seem like they do, but they don’t.  They’re trying to do their best to raise you better than their parents raised them, and it’s only natural that they fuck up from time to time.  They push you so hard because they want what’s best for you – They want you to have the things they never did.  At the same time, don’t let them make you feel guilty.  You are your own person and you DO NOT have to agree with everything they say.  You can have your own opinions, but for God’s sake, respect theirs too.

Secondly – Be kind.  The people you think are ‘uncool’ or ‘weird’ are just different.  You don’t have to be their best friend, you just need to understand that they have their own shit going on, and you being dismissive or ignorant towards them is not going to help that. Smile, say hello, ask how they are and listen to their answer – You could have more in common than you think.

Third – Be yourself.  Sometimes it’s necessary to change how you act around people (eg. I know you think swearing is natural but people are offended by it.  Reign it in from time to time) but don’t ever pretend to be something you’re not.  Don’t pretend to like a band because some boy you fancy does.  Don’t lie about your age on the internet.

Fourth – Listen in class.  Education is the most important thing you can have.  It will broaden your horizons and make you more acceptant of people.  If you have all the facts, you see both sides of an argument and will stress a lot less over feeling like you need to pick a side.

Fifth – Fuckboys are a thing.  If a particular guy only wants to be with you when you’re at a party and he’s drunk, but won’t answer your texts during the week – He’s a fuckboy.  Respect yourself.  If a guy talks to another girl and admits later it was to make you jealous – He’s a fuckboy.  If a guy makes you feel insecure, instead of helping you attain a positive image of yourself- He’s a fuckboy and only cares about himself.  If a guy pulls you out of bed and drags you down the stairs because he’s mad – Not only is he a fuckboy, but he’s also an abusive cunt.  You do not have to waste your time and energy on boys who treat you like an object.  And if your heart hurts because of a break up – I can 100% guarantee you will feel better about it in six months (providing you draw a line under the relationship)

Sixth – How you look does not define you.  How you act and what you do is what people will remember.  Sure it’s OK to be proud of your appearance, but don’t let it be the centre of your universe.  Stop counting calories.  This will lead not only to issues that you will spend the rest of your life dealing with, but also decisions which will be the biggest regrets of your life.

Seventh – For the love of God, I know you don’t have much money, but please, please, if you’re going to wear leggings, invest in a pair that you can’t see your pants through.

Eighth – Everything’s gonna be OK.

I Need You!

Well butter me up and call me a biscuit, it’s been a whole freaking year since I started old bloggy here.

Seeing as I’ve been providing you all with such hilarious and thought provoking content once a week(ish) for a full 12 months, I wanted to know – Is there anything you’d like to ask me?

So the comment section on this post (and all other posts) is anonymous. You don’t have to be a member of WordPress to comment, so please feel free to ask whatever your heart desires.  If you don’t mind letting me know your name, you can also get in touch via various social media platforms (Facebook, Instagram, Twitter).

This could be a complete flop and/or total nightmare, but I mean it when I say; Ask me anything.  Dirty, clean, embarrassing, controversial, political, ethical, stupid, intellectual… Other various adjectives – I will answer them.

Next week’s blog is up to you.

Why I Don’t Exercise.

Reasons I don’t/can’t/won’t exercise:

• I am lazy as fuck.  There are brief moments in my life where I get all Shia LeBeouf (“JUST DO IT UGHHH”) but mostly, I would really just not “do it” at all.  The more I tell myself to get outside and do something, the less I want to.

• Exercise is hard.  I’ve been to the gym a fair amount of times.  Mostly I just go on the bike or the treadmill, because I know how to work those.  Once, however, my friend dragged me to a Spin class.  It was literally the worst 40 minutes of my life.  If you’ve never been to a Spin class the premise is this – There’s an instructor at the top of the room who has wayyyy too much endorphins floating around their body.  They are pumped.  Veins are popping out everywhere.  He/she is cycling their stationary bike at an inhumane rate, instructing you at the same time.  How are they even breathing, nevermind talking?  After 20 minutes I was busted.  I mean, I couldn’t stand up to do the hilly parts.  Everything in my body was screaming “Jesus Christ Molly, just stop” but I didn’t want to lose face in front of everyone else in the class.  So I endured this torture for another 20 minutes.  I wobbled off the bike pretending to laugh like it was all great fun, but I was seriously struggling to put one foot in front of the other.  Everything hurt.  My lungs, my legs, my face and what was particularly excruciating was my vagina because the seat was made of fucking knives.

• I hate sweating.  I’m not a germ freak and I have good personal hygiene (when I have to leave the house) but I just really hate the feeling of having sticky underarms, underboobs, ass crack and feet.  I put on anti-perspirant deodorant twice a week because I don’t often sweat, but when I forget to use it and I get too hot – It’s monsoon season in pit land.

• I think I look stupid.  There is not one person on this earth who doesn’t care about how they look.  I try to tell myself this every hour of every day, but STILL I can’t step away from the fact that when I run, I look like Phoebe from friends. This has been confirmed when, after getting caught in a rain shower and having to run to the car, Fiancé said; “You run like Phoebe.”

• Gyms are scary. There’s just too many options.  Too many settings.  A lot of people who frequent gyms have said “Just ask for help!  Everyone is really friendly.”  Well I’m sorry, I don’t want to disturb that man staring at himself lifting weights in the mirror and I don’t like talking to strangers.

• It’s fucking expensive.  I know I don’t need all the fancy Nike equipment like clothes and shoes, but I have 100% been sucked into the commercialisation of fitness.  I want the best shoes, the coolest leggings, the most comfortable bra.  It doesn’t matter if I look like old mashed potato when I wear it.  I want it.  Similarly, I would LOVE to hire a personal trainer but I cannot afford to pay someone to cause me physical pain when that money could be spent on groceries and beer.

Having said this.  Exercise does make you feel amazing afterwards and is really good for you.  All it takes is some structure and routine next thing I know I’ll be Tyson.  Someone help me remember this when I’m lying in bed with nothing to do and decide to watch another episode of Masterchef.

 

 

Advice from St Valentine

As we all know, the most important day of the entire year is coming up.  Valentines’ Day! This is the day that our partner is absolutely obliged to spend the most amount of money on us, the day that our minds are finally read and our dreams come true.

If you are single, this blog is not for you.  You shouldn’t even be clicking something with the word ‘Valentine’ in the title.  You should be at home alone with your cats, were you belong forever because no one likes you.

I’m gonna start off with some advice for men because obviously they need it most –

1. If it doesn’t cost money, do not give it to her.  If you haven’t spent your hard earned money on something, it’s not worth our time.
2. If it’s not pink, red, or have hearts on it, your girlfriend will not like it.
3. All females like chocolate, so no matter how many times they tell you they’re on a diet, you must buy it for them.  Women love feeling terrible about themselves and going to the gym.
4. If you really love your other half, you will get the biggest, most expensive card in the shop.  Ensure you get this from Hallmark or Urban Outfitters – Tesco cards will not do.  
5. Get a ridiculously large teddy – Every female out there loves big, elaborate, mortifying gifts.  Please do not make the mistake of giving it to us in the privacy of our own home.  You must give it to us in the most public setting you can fathom.  Middle of the shopping centre?  Perfect.
6. Send flowers to work.  We all love when we get the phone call from the front office saying that there’s a gift for us.  The only thing we love more than getting the call is carrying the flowers back to our desk.
7. Buy us a holiday.  Expect to pay for everything on said holiday because YOU bought it for US, and that’s included in the present.
8. Take us shopping.  Tell us to get whatever we want.  Do not dare make a face when you see the bill at Karl Lagerfeld.
9. Make a bath filled with rose petals.  Every girl on the planet loves the smell of roses and has time for a bath in the middle of the day.
10. If all else fails – Propose with the most expensive ring you cannot afford.  Bitches love weddings.

Advice for girls –

1.  If you make it through the day, you must make him a sandwich the very next day.  If he doesn’t follow the above steps – End it. Thems the rules for happiness.

 

 

P.S – JK.

 

 

 

 

How Much Would You Sacrifice for Happiness?

This post was intended to be a review of Breaking Bad (SPOILERS), which I finally finished watching a few weeks ago.  However, when discussing it with people (in particular my Dad) I found myself not asking what they thought of the plot, but, what would they do if they found themselves in a similar situation.

If you’re not aware of the show, it’s basically a high school chemistry teacher who gets terminal lung cancer and can’t afford to pay his medical bills.  The planets align and he realises that he can fund his treatment and provide for his family by cooking crystal meth.  Over the five seasons we see him go from a docile, polite, bland man into a full blown drug-lord known as Heisenberg, who, by the end of his ‘career’ has made over $80,000,000.

My question is, what would you do?

You’re extremely talented at a highly illegal activity, and have the opportunity to change your life forever.  You’ll never have another bill to stress over.  You’re kept in check by the fact that you can’t make huge purchases (taxman) and you can’t tell your family where you got the money.  My Dad said he would do it by the way.  He felt he could manage the situation better, because he would tell my Mum from the start.  Although my Mum would probably be chuffed to be raking in half a million a month.

I wasn’t altogether surprised with my Dad’s answer.  I’ve grown up hearing “No, we can’t afford that.”  I didn’t realise till I moved away from home how terrible it feels to be poor, and they spent their lives that way.  My Dad works up to 20 hours a day, and I can see why he’d make the sacrifice.

A similar thought occurred just a few nights ago when Boyfriend and I watched Coraline.   This is a children’s movie so it’s a little less complicated.

Coraline is an only child, about ten.  Her parents work very hard and don’t have a lot of time for her.  She finds a concealed door in her new house which leads her to her ‘other mother and father’. They’re perfect in every way. They give Coraline everything she could want, and offer her the opportunity to stay there forever… If she sews buttons into her eyes.

 

I watched this movie with Sonny a while ago and asked her what she would do.  She said she’d stay with her real Mum and Dad, because they already love her.  I guess she’s smarter than me, I would have told the ‘other mother’ to pass over the needle and thread at a chance to be happy.

The option in both cases is to better your life with major consequences.  The guarantee that your quality of life will improve if you sacrifice something.

The past month has been particularly difficult for me, what with money worries and an increasingly crippling social anxieties.  I’m not too ashamed to say I’m materialistic, and thought that I would have chosen the quick fix.  However, after writing this I realise I probably wouldn’t be so quick to say ‘yes’ to instant happiness.  Instant, but not forever.

How far would you go to be happy?

Baked Vanilla Cheesecake.

If someone asked me what my signature dish was, it would be this. Baked Vanilla Cheesecake. This recipe makes a massive cheesecake, perfect for this time of year if you have a big family or, (like Boyfriend and I) are greedy pigs. Be patient with this cheesecake, it’s quick to put together but it does require a lot of chillin’.

This is not healthy in any shape or form, but if like me, you like deserts that are sweet, sticky, dense and creamy, then this is the one for you. If you think deserts can be healthy… You should leave now. I made this recipe up, but will do my best to be specific with measurements.

You will need;

For the base;

200g packet of Digestives

200g packet of Hobnobs

Half a block of butter

Half a jar of peanut butter

Sharing bar of galaxy chocolate (optional)

A pinch of salt

For the filling;

1 tub of full fat cream cheese

1 tub of full fat mascarpone cheese

1 can of condensed milk

80mls of double cream

Vanilla extract or vanilla seeds (don’t use Vanilla flavouring)

Tablespoon of corn flour

6 Eggs

Zest of half a lemon

Method for the base;

To start, turn your oven on to 150 C. Put on a pan of water and bring to the boil. Meanwhile, put the base ingredients (apart from the biscuits) into a bowl to melt over the pan of water. Don’t be tempted to use a microwave for this, it will not work.

Whilst they’re in the bowl warming up and being friends, crush your biscuits and add your pinch of salt. Get the biscuits as fine as you can, but don’t worry if you have lumps (these can make the base taste better).

Add in all the melted ingredients and mix together. It should look like wet sand. If you think it looks to dry, add more melted butter and apologise to your cholesterol.

Put this mixture into a nonstick springform cake tin and bake for around 30minutes and then lick the spoon and bowl.

Method for the filling;

This isn’t too difficult. Start by adding your condensed milk, two types of cheese and double cream. I recommend whisking this together for a while so it becomes a bit more loose.

Add your eggs, zest of lemon, vanilla and sieve in the cornflour.

Whisk this together for a good 5-7minutes until it’s all the same colour/no lumps etc.

Take the base out of the oven. It might still look crumbly but don’t worry, the baking will make it stronger.

This is important; wrap the bottom 3/4 of the cake tin in 3 or 4 layers of tin foil and put it on top of a tray of about 5cm of water. This is a Bain Marie and will steam and help circulate the hot air around your cheesecake.

Put this back in the oven THEN pour the filling in. This is a lot easier because you won’t be wobbling all over the place trying to make it to the oven.

Bake for a grand total of 1hour and 40 minutes. But! Don’t take it out of the oven yet. Just open the door and let it sit there for another hour. This it to prevent the top cracking.

Take it out and make sure it has cooled down completely before putting it in the fridge.

You’ll have to leave it in the fridge for at least 12 hours (sorry) but 24 hours is ideal.

Feel free to add your own bits and bobs on top, maybe some fresh berries or a coulis. Something bitter to counteract the sweetness is good.

If you try it, let me know how it goes and what you think!

Owning a Dog: Pros and Cons

When I asked my parents should I get a dog for Christmas, their response went something like; “No Molly, dear God, no.”  This isn’t because they didn’t like dogs, (in fact, my Grandad bred them when my mum was growing up) they responded like this because if there’s anyone that knows my flaws, it’s my parents.  Me?  Be responsible for something’s life?  Oh the horror.

They said I wouldn’t be able to look after it, it’d be too hard to train, and it would be unfair on the dog.  I agreed with them at the time, but continued to research breeds anyway because I’ve never listened to a word my parents say.

I bought Barney off a man in the car park of a hotel on Boxing Day.  This, I do not recommend.  Despite being the sweetest thing I’d ever seen, Barney was not a healthy puppy.  My heart broke slightly when I had to choose between him and his brother, and to this day I regret not taking both of them.  Within five minutes of having Barney in the car, he took a poo, and I knew then that I loved him, because I wasn’t even mad.

Barney was a Christmas gift for Boyfriend, who always loved dogs.  He had no idea what I’d done and I was nervous when I heard him coming home the day after Christmas.  I put Barney in a box and put a sheet of festive wrapping paper over him.  True to form, when Boyfriend came into the living room, Barney had jumped out of the box and peed on the rug.

The first, and probably the strongest Pro to owning a dog is that they are ALWAYS happy to see you.  When you’ve had the most terrible day at work, nothing is better than being greeted by your dog when you first come through the door.  It’s as if you’ve died and have been raised again. I’m convinced he thinks the last time he sees you go out the door was the last time he’ll see you ever. If your very presence can make a dogs tail wag at lightning speed, you’re doing something right.

Con.  Dogs don’t really like dog food.  Every morning when I come home from work I go to the kitchen to make breakfast.  Every morning Barney stands beside me waiting, hoping against all hope that I drop some food on the floor.  If either Boyfriend or I are eating in the living room, Barney becomes entranced, with one eye on your plate and the other hypnotised by the chewing motion of your jaw.  It’s as though he hasn’t eaten in days, despite having a full bowl of his own food in the kitchen.  Last Christmas, I made a ham.  Once the ham was finished, we had no where to put the stock and the vegetables left in the pot, so we poured it outside.  Obviously this attracted the dog, so we put up a fence.  To this day, Barney still tries to get over the fence to eat what’s left of last year’s Christmas ham.

Pro. Dogs are great conversation starters and ice-breakers.  People are just friendlier when you have a dog.  Dogs are funny, they do funny things.  When I take Barney to the park, everyone wants to chat because he’s there.  Once, after we first got Barney, Boyfriend and I were having a fight, and it was getting pretty serious. Barney trots in and squats to take a poo, proceeding to do this weird squat-walk across the living room.  What had happened was; he had eaten some string. He’d pooed most of it out but the rest was yet to be liberated, so he was just walking around with a dangling bit of poo on the end of a string coming out of his rear.  Boyfriend and I were hysterical, the row forgotten.

Con.  Cleaning up after your dog.  I’m not just talking about string-poo, but pee, vomit, rocks he brings into the house, half eaten toilet roll holders, half eaten books, half eaten Xbox controllers, half eaten clothes (including dressing gowns, shoes, socks, pans and bras) not to mention the amount of hair he sheds.  We have a black rug, and with a white fluffy dog…  Well we need a new rug now.

Pro. Dogs enjoy the simple things.  Barney needs food, walks, water and love.  That’s it. How I wish I could be made so happy so easily.

I had more cons drafted to write about but now that I come to it, they’re not cons at all.  Of course there are little things that annoy me but there is nothing I would change about Barney.  He might be bold and extremely irritating sometimes, but that’s all part of his little personality.  I never thought I’d say this, but I am now a ‘dog person’ thanks to my little scruffy ball of joy.  If you’re considering getting a dog for Christmas, please make sure you can look after it properly. Do your research, prepare your house, but most of all, make sure you can love it as much as we love Barney.

October Favourites.

Barney ruined this photo.

This is a great time to do a favourites blog, seeing as the end of last month was my very happy birthday and I received a number of thoughtful gifts.

If you don’t know me, there are two things I love most in the world.  Heat and makeup.  It took 24 years, but everyone who bought me something has realised this and purchased accordingly.

First up is something I asked for.  A while back, I watched a couple of YouTube videos on Too Faced products, so casually (not that casually) asked Boyfriend could he perhaps consider them when thinking of what to get me.  Boy did good! I ended up getting the eye-shadow ‘Chocolate’ Pallet AND the ‘Better than Sex’ mascara.  I’ve never owned any Too Faced products before but had never heard a bad review of them, and I can now see why.  I can’t review the Chocolate Pallet without first saying; it smells like chocolate.  I’ve never come across a product like this (definitely not eye-shadow) and although there’s no real practicality to this, it does make doing your eye make-up extra special.  The colours are perfect for me, having recently dyed my hair a darker brown (thanksCaroline&Nicola) I’ve found I definitely suit a smoky brown eye rather than my standard smoky black one.  Colours range from dusty pink called Champagne Truffle to dark grey/brown called Triple Fudge, with matt and shimmer finishes, I think this product has everything, the one downside being it’s not as pigmented as I would like (in comparison to Urban Decay) but that doesn’t matter much because…. Well it smells like Chocolate….

The ‘Better than Sex’ mascara – despite the name making me slightly uncomfortable – Is amazing.  Two coats and your eye lashes are thick, long and damn impressive.  I was a little underwhelmed by the wand shape – It looked pretty basic, but in the end this didn’t matter.  I always put my mascara on last because I feel it makes the biggest difference to my makeup look, putting this on was a dream.  It sets everything off perfectly, and when applied correctly, reduces the need for eyeliner (yay!)

Next in my little list was my new coat.  As I mentioned earlier, I love heat and being warm, and on my birthday I received two jumpers, a hat and gloves, a pair of slippers and a new winter coat.  Although my slippers were close to making my favourites list, they just missed out due to the masterpiece that is my coat.   Purchased by my Mum and made by ‘Rock Experience’, I have to admit it’s not the most attractive of coats. It’s puffy, blue and kind of a shell-suit material (bring back the 90s!) and I do feel slightly inflated when I wear it, but it is warm and that’s all that matters.  I first wore it to take Barney to the park at the start of November, and I mistakenly put a jumper on underneath.  After heating up to boiling point, I ended up having to carry both the jumper and the coat, so I was just in my t-shirt.  It is extremely rare for me to be outside in a t-shirt after 31st August, but it was pretty pleasant cooling down in Botanic and at least I know now; the coat works.  As I work night-shift, I walk to work at night time and from work in the morning (the chilliest times) so this coat is now my life.  The ONLY thing I don’t like about this coat – because I’m strange as fuck – I worry that people will see me wearing it too often and think “Why does she always wear that blue coat?” I have other coats; just none of them are a wearable sleeping bag, OK?

Next up is a program I’ve been obsessively watching every free waking minute of the past few weeks.  I first started watching ‘The Killing’ on Netflix because I had seen the original Danish series about 5 years ago, which really stuck with me.  It’s rare that I’d watch a series twice (if at all), but there was something about this one I just needed to experience again.  After watching everything the BBC had to offer I thought I’d give the Americanised adaptation a go.  At the beginning I wasn’t that impressed; the American version was almost identical to the Danish, so similar it seemed lazy.  When I noted that it was made by the same writers as ‘Forbrydelsen’ (Dutch for The Crime) I paid a bit more attention and ended up getting it in a major way. Set in the extremely drizzly Seattle, instead of extremely drizzly Copenhagen, the first two seasons of both series was about finding who brutally murdered a young girl by the name of Rosie Larson.  Those in charge of the investigation are detectives Sarah Linden (Mireille Enos) and Stephen Holder (Joel Kinnaman).  Normally I hate when a murder is dragged out, but in this series it was totally believable.  Almost done in real time (day by day) you’re fed the clues at the same pace as the detectives, and there’s something really satisfying about this.  Watching it gave me a strange respect for police and the justice system, despite it being fictional.  The series ultimately focuses on D.I Linden, but her new partner D.I Holder brings a witty, grimy edge to the show.  Regardless of having completely opposite personalities, they make an admirable on-screen duo, complementing each other in qualities the other may lack.  Holder is, by far, one of my favourite televised characters, and his persona goes from strength to strength in each episode, coming to par in the third series; as if he was a real detective, developing his character with the experiences of his past.  This programme is graphic in more ways than one, which I understand not everyone wants, but it is truly gratifying to watch.  Pay attention though, take your eyes off the screen for more than ten minutes and you’re lost.

Lastly last on my list (apologies in advance) is CHRISTMAS!

Actually, no apologies, I love Christmas.  Everyone had made the joke that as soon as October 31st was over it would be Christmas Land, and they were not wrong.  It was like a wonderful, glittery Christmas bomb had gone off on TV.  I’ve already purchased a sneaky amount of adorable decorations from T.K Maxx, but it won’t feel like proper Christmas till the tree is up (soon…) The Continental Christmas Market arrives in Belfast on Saturday, and if you’ve never been, put it on your to-do list.  Even the Grinch would enjoy this event.  I recommend experimenting with different flavours of mulled cider and the sweet potato fries, Boyfriend would recommend fifteen Bratwursts, ten Steins and a burger (vegetarian options are available).  It can be expensive, but ’tis the season to be jolly, so as I like to say; “fa la la la la la la la fuck it”.

August and September Favourites.

First on my favourite list is Terry Wogan…  Here’s some context – As you may or may not know I love cooking programmes.  I’ll watch pretty much anything, even the shite ones like Cut-Throat Kitchen and Mystery Diners (not really a cooking show – but it does involve a restaurant).  My most favourite cookery programmes come from the BBC.  I adore the Hairy Bikers, Si and Dave, and I often fantasise about all the craic we’d have if we could hang out. However, my most recent favourite is on BBC Two at 18.30 called Terry and Mason’s Great Food Trip. It’s Terry Wogan and a London taxi driver travelling Britain in the ‘food footsteps’ of a historian called Chamberlain (ehh, I think). He basically travelled around England and wrote about all the local food he ate (the original Food Blogger), which Terry and Mason are roughly re-enacting. I’ll not spoil the plot, but there are a lot of pies.

I’ve never fully paid attention to Terry Wogan. Never got into the Euro Vision, I didn’t listen to his Radio 2 show, and I’m too young to know him at the peak of his career.  I am so happy the BBC chose to make this programme because I am massively enjoying what he brings to the screen.  His natural wit, charm and arrogance are endearing and infectious. For example, he was in a cheese mongers in Chester, where he and Mason were trying a cheese called Drunken Bert – He commented on this with a completely straight face; “Drunken Bert?  He used to be in charge of the BBC.” Everyone laughed but he just stood there looking around.  In the same programme, they entered a café, there was a rather large man sitting at one of the tables.  There was a sign on the wall that said something like; ‘Food for the Soul”, and Terry said “I thought this man’s name was The Soul and we weren’t going to get any food at all.”

Next on my list is ASOS! As I mentioned in my last post I did a huge overhaul of my clothes and got rid of a load of stuff I didn’t want to wear anymore.  After this, my t-shirt shelf looked a little bare so I decided to indulge.  I bought replacement t-shirts, and they’re the best quality ever, and such a great shape.  I was afraid they would be too small because I like things to be quite baggy, but they were perfecto. One had a slogan on the front saying “blogging > jogging” which is great because I love blogging, and it IS much greater than jogging.  Another says “oh crap”.  I had tons of fun last weekend when I was home and exclaiming “OH CRAP” at my Mum, who fell for it every time, looking around and saying “What?!” until I smiled smugly down at my t-shirt.

I’ve also been obsessed with vegetable soup.  It’s a very specific brand called country kitchen – how exotic.  I buy it because it tastes almost identical to my Granny’s.  It’s basically chunky vegetable broth, you get a huge portion and I think it’s totally perfect for the crap weather we’ve been having.  I crave it almost 24/7. Also, I just wanted to mention, I read the labels of food quite a lot, and the calorie content of soup is always ‘per 1/2 a serving’ – Who the hell has 1/2 a tin of soup?  What kind of monster are you?

Next favourite is another food related item… Worcestershire Sauce and Sun-dried Tomato flavoured Pop-corn.  Spicy, crunchy, tasty but not nearly enough eatin’ in the packet. I forget the name of the brand, but I’ve only ever seen it available in Tesco. Flavoured pop-corn is one of those foods that seem to be ‘trending’ like almonds or Bulgur wheat.

Within the past few weeks I got back my car after a few months of it being MIA -I didn’t bother to tax it, take it through MOT or declare it off-road.  It was clamped, twice, and I was considering selling the money vaporising whore. My Mum must have said “I told you so” and “Why didn’t you get it sorted when you got the letter?” about 34 times.  I’ve been lazy 100% of my life mum, please shut up. Anyway, after around £500 in fines and repairs I got it sorted.  It’s weird how quickly I forgot that I LOVE DRIVING!  Zoom zoom, beep, outta the way pedestrian.

Last thing on my list – I have been living for my days off.  I work 4 days on, 4 days off and in the last couple of weeks my schedule has been pretty pleasantly full. Last Friday I was supposed to be doing a photo shoot at the beach, but it was cancelled.  I ended up driving there anyway to take Barney for a walk along the shore. I was by myself, so I felt all windswept and mysterious.  Barney was being a dick though so the romantic picture was ruined by me screaming “BARNEY!  BARRRRNNNNEEEYY” across Newcastle. After I caught him (he was temporarily distracted when he bent to sniff another dogs’ pee) I decided to go back to my parent’s house to hang out with my Mum. She was pretty busy so I ended up cruising around town with my Brother.  On Saturday my Sister requested I drive cross country to find her a formal dress, but I had to go back to Belfast first because I forgot my contact lenses (I had a party to go to later and I couldn’t go out in glasses, GOD).  I realized there was a formal dress shop 30 seconds from my apartment, so we went there first.  We were in there for less than ten minutes before my Sister found the one she wanted.  Best shopping trip ever!  Her formal is this Friday and I’m looking forward to it so much it literally feels like her wedding day. I thoroughly enjoyed changing up my routine and seeing more of my family.

Finally a 90 day challenge update – I did 3 days well, 3 days bad, but am now on 5th day good!  A mathematical person might be able to work out some sort of percentage of the month for that, but don’t blame me for not trying, I just write the blog.